Heart & Soul

Love is rarely simple. In her new memoir “Raised By the Mistress,” Jamilah Creekmur shares her experience of witnessing her mother’s 20 year relationship with a married man. We caught up with the happily married author to see what really goes on inside an affair and how she found a love all of her own.

HEART & SOUL: Congrats on the success of your book and having the courage to share your story. What’s the biggest thing you learned from witnessing your mother’s relationship with a married man?
JAMILAH CREEKMUR: I learned it really is possible to love more than one person at a time. Our society doesn’t accept it when it comes to marriages, but it is possible. I saw my mother truly cater to this man, at all costs. Her satisfaction came from making him happy. She relished in it.

HEART & SOUL: How did seeing the affair impact your relationships with men?
CREEKMUR: Naturally, I became a nurturer in my own relationships. People may be surprised to know that mistresses aren’t always there for sex or money or fame.  With my mother, she was there for one thing, love. She knew without a doubt that this man loved her, and he loved her in a place where he didn’t love anyone else.  When that happens in an affair, that love will sustain the test of time, even when it’s a tortuous love affair. None of this was easy for me to accept growing up, but in my adult years I faced the truth.

HEART & SOUL: You went through the divorce of your parents then witnessed her relationship with a married man. What were your feelings on marriage growing up?
CREEKMUR: I always wanted to be married, even with witnessing my mother’s affair.  I always wanted to be loved deeply by a man. I saw my grandparents, Roy and Grace, have a beautiful marriage with lots of kids, and I wanted that for myself.

HEART & SOUL: It seems that mission is accomplished since you are now happily married to your college sweetheart. When did you know he was someone you could spend your life with?
CREEKMUR: I knew in 1999. He came to New York for a writing assignment and I was finishing my last semester at the Fashion Institute of Technology. He invited me out and we met him at a local club. We danced, laughed, held hands, and towards the end of the night he quickly kissed me in the middle of the dance floor, while Big Daddy Kane was performing. I knew in that moment that I wanted to marry him.  So all my steps thereafter, led me to becoming his wife.

HEART & SOUL: What would you want other women to know about finding love?
CREEKMUR: We all have standards and checklist and vision boards. That’s all nice. Just understand that no one will meet every thing on your list.  My truth was finding someone that wanted the same things out of life that I wanted.  Sometimes we forget that is all that matters. Not that you want to do everything together but that your life goals are in sync.  I also suggest that you not rush marriage or think its something you have to do before 30. Take your time to learn and discover who you are. Lastly, smile and be sweet.  No matter how tough and strong we are, let our men be men for us and be a sweet lady in return.

Get your copy of “Raised by the Mistress” on Amazon.

What are your thoughts and experiences with affairs?