By Jade Sylmman
I succeeded within the boundaries first set by my parents, then teachers, elders and eventually myself. I prided myself in knowing how to become great by working hard.
Marriage and kids were no different. I knew what was expected of me and fulfilled my role immaculately. Then it all came to a halt. I found out that my husband of 20 years had cheated on me. In fact he was never faithful throughout our entire marriage. My life as I knew it had abruptly ended.
After the initial shock, I had to regroup and decide whether or not to remain in the relationship. How could I ever forgive this man who had broken our sanctity of marriage? Initially, I blamed myself. Racking my brain with scenarios of how I could have been a more attentive wife. Eventually, the pollution of anger and resentment spiraled into a suffocating prison of jealousy and insecurity. In desperation, I turned to an age-old practice that saved my life… Yoga.
I had practiced yoga for several years as a way to stay in shape, but never had it taken on such a consciously meaningful purpose. It became a tool for survival, self-awareness and contentment. Yoga was a way of practicing life on my mat. For instance, falling out of balancing poses and recovering without judgment allowed me to release the need for control and perfection. It became my model for taking on difficult tasks in my “real life”.
By simply being OK with where I was, whether it was feeling inflexible, unbalanced or just simply exhausted, I was able release judgment toward my husband and ultimately myself. Yoga created a different kind of bravery within me. Knowing that I could always re-center myself gave me the courage to live for me. I experienced the deep knowing that despite any circumstance, I will always be OK.